ads

>It's a computer monitor that can be programmed to perform simple tasks! It is designed by Terence Conran.

So... I get a fucking Pip-Boy?

It's a bathtub that loves you as a person and makes clicking noises.

At least I can sleep under it.

>It's a deck of cards that probably wont work!
The fuck?

>It's a feather duster that's unbreakable!

Fuck this gay earth.

>It's a fork that clamps to your wrist, destroys household pests and works underwater.

I will bring justice and dinner to the wasteland. Except seafood.

>It's a games console that defies gravity! It sounds better than it looks.

Fuck yes a floating gamecube, the stupid handle is now obsolete.

>>108901572
>It's a handgun! It can help you lose weight!

This could be useful.

It's like a normal DVD player, but it picks up Radio Four.
BUT RADIO 4 IS THE SPOKEN WORD
GOD DAMN IT BBC

>It's a car that can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds!

you jelly

>It's like a normal car, but it can interface with your bicycle.
what the fuck?

>It's a pair of roller-skates that believes itself to be self-aware and can move faster than the speed of light.

I am ready for this, nothing can stop me.

>It's a headband that destroys household pests, blocks spam email and keeps drinks hot.

Hm. Well, this is actually not too bad. No malaria, for instance.

>It's a rocket launcher..
Fuck yeah!
>... that keeps your carpets clean!
FUCK!

>It's a like a normal chainsaw, except it remembers all of its past actions!

>Strange Chainsaw

>It's a handgun that can speak French, catches flies and smells of flowers.

Gentlemen.

>It's a new type of vegetable that moulds to fit its user, defies gravity and cleans itself.

holy shit

>It's a pair of underpants that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and cures all known illnesses.
All of my money

It's a sticky label that squirts clouds of black ink! It inflates into a dinghy.

BRING IT ON NIGGERS

>It's a lunchbox that plays Nethack, displays pornography and catches spiders.

I am set for life.

THIS WHOLE FUCKING THREAD

>It's a fridge magnet that can play the trumpet and tells you when people are lying.
Holy shit, this is awesome

>A telephone that can heat a small house
Could be useful.

>It's a beermat that detects explosives!

Holy shit, this is actually useful!

>It's a pager that takes high-quality digital photos! It self-replicates.

I will be a superhero

>It's a bicycle that produces 240v of electricity, has no moving parts and asks trivia questions.

the fuck?

>It's a featureless cube that doesn't need oiling and can read warchalking symbols.
>It's a piece of string that can run MAME roms!

What would I EVER use those for?

It's a marker pen that talks and sweeps away dust.

>wasteland

>It's like a normal rickshaw, but it shoots laser beams.

I am the king of all existence.

>It's a credit card! It doubles as a rocket launcher!

>Design #2262372884

>It's like a normal computer mouse, but it kills ants.

I can already kill ants with my mouse, fuck this shit.

It's a sticky label that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet and remembers all of its past actions.

>It's a rocket launcher that loves children! It disables itself if it's taken more than 100 feet away from its base.

It's a credit card that's laced with vodka, follows a target of your choice and keeps food warm.

I don't even...

>>108902201
So it's the world's most advanced sex toy.

Think of all the money you could make

>It's a contraceptive device that runs on a single AA battery! It quacks like a duck.

I think the quacking is the contraceptive part. Also explains the battery.

>It's a suppository that tells you when it's ready!

>It's a scooter that improves upper-body muscle!

FIST OF THE NORTH STAR BANDIT TIME

>It's like a normal towel, but it moulds vegetables.

Oh boy
I can make vegetable sculptures with my fucking towel

>It's a credit card that connects to the internet!

It was only a matter of time.

>It's like a normal umbrella, but it crushes ice.
Fear the wrath of my Jotunwarden.
FEAR IT.

>It's a small plastic pyramid that folds away when not in use!

What use would a small plasti- Oh...

>It's like a normal fork, but it can only be operated by a trained professional.

wat
I'm pretty sure I'm fucked

>It's like a normal chocolate bar, but it craves attention.
>Implying chocolate bars don't already crave attention

>It's a baseball cap that looks like a pot-plant! It can communicate with your tricycle.
>implying i have a tricycle

>>108901572
>It's a genetically-modified sheep that contains a tinier version of itself and cures all known illnesses.

SHEEP I CHOOSE YOU !

>Design #1070420853

>It's a suitcase! It costs less than a penny a day to run!

Oh fucking great I have to pay to use my fucking suitcase.

>It's like a normal towel, but it's also available in white.

lucky me

>It's a pair of trousers that inflates into a dinghy, flies like a rocket and is transparent.
>Transparent rocket pants
I'm okay with this.

>It's a personal organiser that detects background radiation! It detects explosives and contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.

>>108902618
Pikachu was never quite the same after that fight with Onyx

>It's like a normal pair of trousers, but it doubles as a webcam.
ASSCAM!

Design #65214215

It's a shoe-shiner! It works at twice the normal speed!

Cor blimey, I get to be sum larrakin shoe shiner
Shine yeh shoe for 12 pence guv'?

>Design #1560135259

>It's a suppository that works at twice the normal speed! It can be bolted onto an armband and traps small animals.

>>108902588
Oh my god I'm crying.

>It's a refrigerator that's different every time you use it, speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and works at any altitude.

I like where this is going.

>It's like a normal diamond ring, but it shoots laser beams.

Oh fuck yes, can't to find I bitch I can propose to.

>It's a suppository that makes virtually no noise whatsoever! It is laced with vodka.

This is awesome.

>It's a trouser press that uses captured Martian technology! It doesn't always work.
>mfw

Design #4106388472

It's a pudding that sorts your mail, sorts your mail and collects litter.

It sorts my mail AAAAND sorts my mail! I'm set for life.

>It's a waffle iron that tells the time and can move faster than the speed of light.

I....I.....this is good right?

>It's an explosive device that runs on methane and tells you when people are lying

Fuck year.

>It's a car! It defies gravity!
FUCK YEAH! Flying car. Come at me bro

>It's a jetpack that runs on methane, sticks to the skin and can be used by several people at once.

What do I win?

>It's like a normal crematorium, but it displays pornography.
WTF am I reading?

>It's an answering machine that loves children! It speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.

>It's a bicycle! It is perfectly safe to use!

this sounds like a trap.

>It's a blow-up doll that has an on-board dictionary and doesn't always work.

I AM READY

>Design #1931090357

>It's an energy drink that makes clicking noises! It makes clicking noises.

WELL GOD DAMN

>It's like a normal suitcase, but it shreds documents.

That is the most impractical piece of shit ever.

>It's an eraser that follows you around! It revolves.

no....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>It's a mobile phone! It keeps children amused!

Alright, I've got some entertainment in the post-apocalyptic world.

>It's like a normal webcam, but it probably won't work.

What the fuck, I already have one of those.

It's a games console! It always points to magnetic north!

VIDEO GAMES.jpg

>It's a handheld human clone that keeps drinks cold and cannot be removed from your house.

It's a skateboard that makes popcorn! It talks and has an alarm setting.

AWWWWWWWWW YEAH SKATEBOARD COMPANION

>It's a blender that's solar-powered, is covered with realistic fur and weighs less than a packet of cigarettes.

Well shit.

>It's a piece of string that emits dangerous radiation! It keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks and keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks.

whatthefuckamireading.png

>It's a security camera that talks! It tells you when it's ready and takes high-quality digital photos.

I'm going to become a photographer of profession!
Why would someone hate me?

>It's a telephone that has adverts on the side! It cuts through stone as if it were butter and hovers.

Well...that's unique.

>It's a blow-up doll! It will make your samurai sword obsolete!

It's a teddybear that shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger! It is water-absorbent.

My body is ready

>It's a letter-opener that improves blood clotting, looks like a coffee cup and detects harmful gases

well....i'm ok with this i guess.

>It's a human clone that increases your sex appeal! It increases your sex appeal and can speak French

>Im okay with this

>It's a postage stamp that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet, can play the trumpet and hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.
>implying it can go on murderous rampages.
Also free trumpet music. I'm all set.

>It's like a normal mousemat, but it works in the rain.

>It's a hair gel that doesn't distract you from your work! It always points to magnetic north.

TUNNEL SNAKES RULE

It's a robot! It speaks randomly-generated sentences!

>>108902882
>dictionary

what

>>108902185
>>108902185
>>108902185

>an electric drill that dissolves in water, it inflates into a dingy.

wait what?

>It's a unicycle that produces 240v of electricity! It runs on compressed air.

Well at least I can.....at least it can be used to....at least I'll have...

shit I'm fucked

>It's an aquarium! It has been featured in Star Trek!

Well, I guess I could haul water in it.

>It's a bracelet that can move faster than the speed of light!

aww shit son

>It's a lightbulb that's solar-powered! It smells of flowers.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I NEED A LIGHT BULB IF THE SUN IS OUT?

FUCKING USELESS.

>It's a kettle! It receives data from any nearby pair of roller-skates!

WHO HAS ROLLERSKATES ITT

>It's an armchair that mows your lawn, has been blessed by a priest and displays a slideshow of pictures.
I WILL MODIFY THIS TO BE ABLE TO RUN OVER ZOMBIES AND SHIT AND PATROL THE WASTES FROM THE COMFORT OF MY CHAIR

>It's like a normal pair of sunglasses, but it stays exactly where you leave it.
Umm they do that already

>It's a false moustache! It kills weeds down to the root!

A... weed-killing moustache.

Well I suppose it could help when all the plants mutate and try and kill me.

>It's a retinal implant! It can bring down an elephant!

CONFIRMED LASER EYE, FUCK YEAARRRRR!

a> It's a shoelace that crushes ice! It secretes a sticky glue.

Does the wastelands even have ice. I guess the glue is good for repairing I guess.

>apocaliptic

Am I the only one greentexting this retarded shit? Seems like I didn't flunk out of english.

>It's a blow-up doll that cannot be removed from your house! It folds out into a tent and slices vegetables.

Well it won't be very useful as a tent if I can't take it out of my house

Fucking thing

>It's a CD player that scans its user's fingerprints! It can pick locks and sends and receives text messages.

WE ARE THE GODS OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER-

> It's a dog collar that has an alarm setting! It comes in seven different colours.

Why would a dog collar need an alarm?In case the dog gets stolen?

>It's a cricket bat that helps around the home! It has been featured in Star Trek and picks up Radio Four.
jelly?

>It's a chainsaw! It keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks!

....yay?

>>108903166
The best part is that OP made this thread earlier and still didn't fix it

>It's a fridge magnet that produces pure oxygen!

now THAT'S a miracle

>Design #2247174326
>It's a refrigerator! It keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks!
I hear y'all jellyin

>It's a robotic dog! It keeps your carpets clean!
Fucking easymode

It's New Vegas all over again

an artificial limb that absorbed water and can communicate
>mfw i already have a prosthetic leg

>It's a laser-printer that collects litter, plays light music and can be used to deter muggers.

>Design #532066146

>It's a chainsaw that keeps your breath fresh for up to twenty-four hours! It is fully recycleable and weighs anything you put on top of it.

Well fuck yeah.

>It's a spanner that can be taken apart and >reassembled in thirty seconds! It feeds your pets >and can be used by several people at once.
>mfw magical spanner that feeds pets
>mfw when i have no face

>It's a suitcase that detects harmful gases and contains a tinier version of itself.
This...could work. I guess.

It's a speaker system that will make your sandwich-toaster obsolete, is slightly hallucinogenic and emits a constant high-frequency whine.

At least I wont get bored.

It's like a normal jetpack, but it makes virtually no noise whatsoever.

>It's a biro that tracks its position with GPS!
So i can draw with GPS?

>It's a window pane that's made entirely of wood!

Oh thank you this will be so useful

>It's like a normal robotic dog, but it uses the Google API.

...but it still has the same functions of a robotic dog, right?

>It's like a normal ornately-engraved sphere, but it dispenses pills.
It's like a DISPENSER and PILLS in one!

>Design #3911215890

>It's an airbag that's twenty feet tall, has adverts on the side and never gets tired.

I don't even know what I should think of this.

>Design #66746194

>It's a chainsaw that clamps to your wrist!

That's right... who's laughing now... who's laughing *now*?

>It's a pot plant that makes hilariously rude noises! It shoots laser beams and walks on three mechanical legs.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

>It's a skateboard that kills all known germs dead!

Time to purify the wasteland one kickflip at a time.

>Design #1138105349

>It's like a normal newly-discovered breed of fish, but it detects background radiation.

>It's a blow-up doll that encrypts all of its data!

My body is not ready.

>It's an iMac! It keeps children amused!
And ONLY CHILDREN

>It's a pogo stick that catches small fish and won't make a hole in your wallet.

a cheap harpoon i can pogo with
this is actually genius

>It's a jetpack that hangs upside-down from the ceiling and mimics the movements of a lizard.

>It's a housebrick that self-replicates and slices vegetables.

My shelter problems are solved!

i remember the guy who got a indestructible fork than wanted to kill him

>It's a tricycle that counts your loose change! It looks bigger than it really is and requires a sample of DNA.

FUCK YEAH REVERSE TARDIS
...wait...thats not good

A magical version that this website that generates a real random item. is a pair of trousers that feeds your pets and plays the theme from Steptoe and Son.

>It's a toothbrush! It stretches to twice its original size!


Wow!

>It's a personal organiser that's only visible under ultraviolet light, helps around the home and can be implanted into the arm.

I sure can't wait to find a Super Mutant Behemoth and organize him to death.

>>108903191
Slave collar

>It's a mattress that has a million household uses and can bring down an elephant.
So I get a mattress that can bring down elephants?
That's fucking awesome

>It's a cigarette lighter that increases your sex appeal!

I've wanted this my whole life

>It's a bicycle that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet! It shreds documents.

ANYONE WANT A BIKE?

>It's a suppository that collects litter, pushes things down staircases and dissolves dirt.

I'm having mixed thoughts on this one

>It's a lunchbox that holds up to twenty cigarettes! It cuts through stone as if it were butter and produces 240v of electricity.

That's actually kind of neat even though I don't smoke.

>It's a crematorium that's bigger on the inside than the outside!

awww yeah Dr. Who Crematorium.

Design #3270823289

It's a rocket launcher that disinfects work surfaces! It smells a bit funny and uses captured Martian technology

>inb4 I own my own empire

>It's a strain of bacteria that can light cigarettes!
>pic related
Think of it.
A post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Self-lighting cigarettes.
All the money.

>>108903444
>It's a handgun that increases your sex appeal and tastes delicious.

You jelly?

It's a sock that gets +2 to kill undead and can heat a small house.
HELL YEAH

It's a jetpack! It runs on methane!


y'all mad jelly of my fartflyer

Wait what?
>It's a shoelace that improves blood clotting and has a human brain inside.

It's a hat! It has velcro pads on the side!

Fuck yeah!

>>108902210

Holy shit, I can't remember the last time I laughed that fucking hard at something!

Holy fucking shit.

>It's a shoe that talks, self-replicates and sticks to the skin.

That actually sounds rather unpleasant

>Design #3298367270
>It's like a normal shirt button, but it flashes at intervals.

it "flashes" as in...?

>It's like a normal riot shield, but it explodes when dropped.

This is a terrible accident just waiting to happen.

>It's an energy drink that can communicate with your screwdriver! It uses human blood for fuel.
>human blood for fuel
OH FUCK

>It's an answering machine that contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica! It clamps to your wrist.

PIP BOY
I GOT A PIP BOY
I'M SO HAPPY

>It's a suppository that craves attention! It keeps your teeth clean.

>It's an iMac that can extinguish fires! It can heat a small house and catches flies.

fuck this gay earth

>It's a headband that's made of glass and is voice-activated.

Fuck yeah all I need

>It's a skateboard! It smells a bit funny!

>mfw

its a webpage that works twice the normal speed!

It's a bathtub that contains alcohol!

FUCK YEEEAAEAAAA

>It's a CD-rom that mimics its user! It catches spiders.

I guess if they were giant mutant spiders it could come in handy

>It's a first-aid kit that uses human blood for fuel! It purifies water and pings when it's ready.

>Roaming in the wasteland
>Dehydrated
>Kill a victim and drain his blood into the kit
>Drink pure water

>>108901572

>It's a kettle that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect!

So I have to pour steam into the stout, which will turn into cooled water.

...I think

>It's an oven that's built and maintained by tiny nano-robots! It dissolves dirt and makes money fast.

fuckin cooking dirt into diamonds

>It's like a normal knife, but it jams mobile phone frequencies.
At least I can use it to defend myself.

>>108903587

>>108903323

OH SHIT SON MADWORLD UP IN THIS BITCH.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc-pQsoTL9c

>Design #3556109080

>It's a samurai sword that squirts water, has an on-board dictionary and responds to ambient light changes.

This is.... very useful.

>It's a refrigerator that helps the medicine go down!

Might be useful.

>It's a pogo stick that bounces up and down!
Wait.
What?

>It's like a normal new type of vegetable, but it doubles as a hat.
I lol'd

I got a motherfucking jetpack that I can play chess with. I will be the beacon of hope the wasteland needs.

>It's a refrigerator that can run MAME roms and can be used by the whole family.

Design #369804266

It's a pair of sunglasses that can be controlled by willpower alone and works in the rain.

"I never asked for this."

>It's a T-shirt that tells you when people are lying! It keeps your carpets clean and kills cockroaches.

Well fuck me, I'd rather have something completely useless than be branded a liar in the wastelands..

It's a waffle iron! It is made of rubber!

WHAT THE FUCK

Wait, what kinda post apocalyptic world? The road style, nuclear winter, or fallout?

It's a chainsaw that works at any altitude! It makes you invisible and fits in your pocket.


me gusta.

>It's a TV remote control that can be used by the whole family!

>It's a false moustache that makes you invisible! It follows you around and works upside-down.

Eat shit, faggots.

>>108903655
oops, didnt mean to sage (its kinda fallout related)

Design #3456408747

It's a breathalyser that has room for a cricket bat inside and is built and maintained by tiny nano-robots.

It's a lunchbox that can easily be recycled, purifies water and hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

It's a new type of vegetable that can be controlled by willpower alone! It clamps to your wrist.

Oh god. I will rule this planet and the next!

>It's a bedside table that has been featured in Star Trek, is actually just a solid block of plastic and displays pornography.
I'm ok with this

>Design #3792053676

>It's a penknife that's voice-activated and lasts forever.

Design #151029120

It's a bathtub that increases your sex appeal! It automatically avoids obstacles and cures all known illnesses.

I can have sex with....EVERYTHING

>Its a freezer that emits a powerful searchlight beam!

On the one hand I've got a handy way of keeping food fresh and myself cool, as well as signalling other stalkers.

On the other, its gonna be heavy and need power.


Heh, looks like I got something that could start the new civilization as fellow stalkers play guitar in circles around this wondrous device that lights up the night, attracts fellow stalkers and keeps our vodka cool and crisp.

Eventually we would repopulate the earth and rebuild, with the almighty freezer at the center of it all.

Until then, pass the vodka.

>Design #686415703

>It's a robotic dog that's fully recycleable!

Fuck yes, IMMORTALDOG.

>It's a jetpack! It inflates into a dinghy!
I AM NOW THE LORD OF SKY AND SEA

>It's a walking stick that plays the theme from Steptoe and Son and is completely waterproof.

Oh god I am the pimp of pimps

>It's a pot plant that can be used by children!

Aww shit

>It's a glass bead that stays exactly where you leave it and automatically updates your weblog when used.

>It's an eraser that's guaranteed to save you a hundred pounds a month and can pick up digital radio.

Wonderful

>It's a human clone that encrypts all of its data! It vibrates and bounces.
>pingas.png

>It's a hat! It is laced with vodka!

>It's a screwdriver! It has been blessed by a priest!

...what?

>It's a hairpiece that can be used in zero-gravity!

OH THANK GOD

>It's a featureless cube! It will make your riot shield obsolete!

wat

>It's a razor that disinfects work surfaces! It stays exactly where you leave it

Could not have asked for a more perfect item

It's a vacuum cleaner that uses human blood for fuel!

that could be useful hmm

>It's a pair of roller-skates that uses captured Martian technology, defies gravity and automatically avoids obstacles.

FUCKING AIR GEAR! YES!

>It's a pair of sunglasses that talks! It cuts through stone as if it were butter.

The wastes are not ready for me

>It's like a normal carpet, but it makes you invisible.

LETS ROLL AGAIN!
>It's a toilet seat that increases your sex appeal, takes high-quality digital photos and keeps children amused.

...actually i think i like my tricycle more

>>108901572
It's a sandwich-toaster that can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds and can be used by several people at once.
I.. I don't even know what this means.

>It's a towel that plays a mean game of Go and displays pornography.

WHY HAS NOBODY THOUGHT OF PORN TOWELS YET.
WHY.

It's a mobile phone that jams mobile phone frequencies!

It's an explosive device that cures all known illnesses.

Fucking golden.

>It's a suppository that can be used by several people at once and automatically avoids obstacles.


DO NOT WANT

FUCK

It's a knife that cannot be moved, works at twice the normal speed and disables itself if it's taken more than 100 feet away from its base

>It's a robotic dog that's powered by clockwork!

pretty sure i win.

>It's a human clone that's monogrammed (up to three letters)! It has a human brain inside and bounces.
>Human clone
>Human brain inside
I would certainly hope so.

>It's like a normal mattress, but it's completely reversible
I'm ready / I'm ready / I'm ready

>It's a fusebox that never gets tired, plays the American national anthem and will make your games console obsolete.

Fusebox master race, suck it plebes.

>It's a credit card that's voice-activated!
Give money now!

It's a television set! It traps mice in a humane fashion!

>It's a stereo system that makes money fast, dehumidifies the air and is actually just a solid block of plastic.

I like this.

>It's a rickshaw that looks like a fish and is oak-panelled.

Fuck... yeah?

>It's a skateboard! It has no moving parts!


well fuck

It's a rubber fish that removes stubborn stains! It can speak French.

I suppose I can use it to hit things...

>It's a bathtub that dissolves in water!

Well fuck this

"It's a pager that shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger, kills fleas and does the washing up."

I've come here to detect danger and run like a little bitch...

It's a mobile phone that tracks infra-red, can run MAME roms and runs on six little wheels.

See that guys? YOU SEE THIS SHIT?
I am the new king baby!

I'll die within 4 days

>It's a beermat that obeys simple instructions!

neat

>Design #1001805230

It's a false moustache that increases your sex appeal! It reflects light.

YESH! YESH! I'm gonna be unstoppable! With this i can charm anyone into doing anything.

T-shirt that folds out into a tent

>fuckyea.jpg

>It's a pillow! It loves you as a person!
...
Well, so long world.

>>108903994
Bro, the Japs have been making animu towels for years.

It's a unicycle that's biodegradable, uses the Google API and cures all known illnesses.

> fuck yes

>It's a knife that will make your parachute obsolete!
Well, obviously.

>It's like a normal candle, but it's biodegradable.

I'm pretty sure I already have one of those....

It's an ornately-engraved sphere that's invisible to the naked eye! It has a mind of its own and catalogues its contents.

You all jelly of my invisible camera orb bro?

u so jelly

>>108901572

It's a pair of shoes! It is twenty feet tall!

>It's a computer monitor that folds out into a tent!

Oh fuck yes.

>>108903837
Don't recycle me ;_;

Design #480169698

It's a games console that knows your name and is made entirely of wood.
OOOKKK THEN?

Design #159791532

It's a first-aid kit that emits heat!
Cool, that works perfectly.

>It's a hairpiece! It tells you when people are lying!

mite b cool

>It's a hearing aid that shoots laser beams and can pick up digital radio.

This is fucking great, I can always try to find people broadcasting on a radio AND I can kill stuff with the laser beam

>It's a samurai sword that can extinguish fires! It holds up to twenty cigarettes and shoots laser beams.

Fucking yes, nobody is going to fuck with me. I am the ultimate wasteland badass.

>It's a coffee cup that inflates into a dinghy!

>mfw

>It's a samurai sword that costs less than a penny a day to run! It counts your loose change and expands at the touch of a button.

FUCK YES

>It's a rocket launcher that can be used to scrape ice off of windscreens, plays the American national anthem and detects explosives

oh wow

>It's a webcam that's better than the last one and loves children.
Time to record a vlog of the last days of my life.

Not that anyone will see it, seeing as everyone is probably dead.

A Jetpack that unblocks drains!

Could be worse

Design #155002823

It's a shirt button that unblocks drains! It holds up to twenty cigarettes.

>It's like a normal carpet, but it disposes of kitchen waste.

>>108904242
no different from the plastic pieces of shit of the now.

>It's a pair of sunglasses that provides an RSS feed and emits dangerous radiation.

My vision is augmented with cancer

>It's a briefcase that makes amusing belching noises! It recites haiku and cannot be removed from your house.

Oh boy.

>It's a genetically-modified sheep that crushes ice, removes stubborn stains and contains alcohol.
Cool i guess

>>108904014

>It's a wristwatch that's different every time you use it and looks bigger than it really is.

>mfw

It's a riot shield that has sleek curves and can speak twelve languages.

Me gusta.

>THIS FUCKING THREAD

Design #2313588963

It's a car that doesn't need batteries! It is only visible under ultraviolet light and floats in water.


OH YEAH
OH FUCK YEAH

>It's a rickshaw that looks bigger than it really is!

so this is post apocalyptic Veitnam I'm in?

>It's a cricket bat that moulds to fit its user, is fully recycleable and must be replaced every morning.
I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

>It's a sticky label that reflects light!

Because everyone knows nobody is more prepared for the wastes than 5 year olds with overprotective parents on Halloween.

>It's a games console that hums incessantly!

>It's like a normal pair of roller-skates, but it contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Well...

>>108904280
Did you make that? If so, YES.
>It's a chainsaw that shoots laser beams! It can move faster than the speed of light and repairs itself.
Hello? God? Yeah, it's me, Anon. I'm here to inquire about the position of Archangel?

>It's like a normal milk carton, but it emits a constant high-frequency whine.
Not useful in a post-apocalyptic world, but I'll take it anyway.

>It's a deck of cards that follows you around! It flies like a rocket.

iam now gambit

>It's a retinal implant that detects evil! It responds to temperature changes and wears a waistcoat and tie.

Do want

>It's a hearing aid that moves from side to side! It works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect and emits thick black smoke.

>Design #2136553063

>It's a parachute that contains alcohol!

perfect.

"It's an earring that flashes at intervals! It displays pornography and disables itself if it's taken more than 100 feet away from its base."
could be interesting.

>It's an armband that has an alarm setting! It dispenses pills and hums incessantly.

Well, I'll be perpetually medicated at least. Looks like I won.

>It's a suppository that doesn't need oiling, secretes a sticky glue and vibrates.

Jesust Christ what

Might as well just call it a dildo.

>It's a lightbulb that's made entirely of wood!

>It's a samurai sword that repels bees! It can extinguish fires.
...
I am GOD.

It's a cricket bat that has a leopardskin print, inflates into a dinghy and plays Nethack.

Get sum!!

Design #3866155617

It's a shoe-shiner that's completely reversible!

>Shine shoes for money
>Somebody tries to rip me off
>"Hold on I missed a spot"
>Undo the shine and let him go

>It's a teddybear that squeaks and has velcro pads on the side.

Well fuck.

Design #2580033132

It's a fizzy drink that can play chess, sticks to the ceiling like a gecko and makes you invisible.
>makes you invisible
oh yeah nigga

>It's a security camera that exists in five dimensions! It tells you when people are lying.

NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE

>It's like a normal eraser, but it looks better than it sounds.
Fuck this gay earth.

>Design #2747959403

>It's a bracelet that works underwater! It displays pornography.

I am so happy

captcha: not lloney

>>108904486
but what if said bee's were held back by the smoke caused by fire, wouldn't extinguishing it draw them back?

>It's a bubble-car! It can bring down an elephant!
I have seen the future.
And the future is good.

Design #1248151073

>It's a hat that can be used as a metal detector!

rollan again
>It's a hole-punch that freezes anything it touches! It keeps drinks hot and fetches sticks.

why do i get the most stupid things in this thread? and how can keep drinks hot if it freezes everything?

>It's like a normal housebrick, but it communicates with other copies of itself.


Well I guess we know how the apocalypse started.

>It's a cricket bat that can help you lose weight! It can emulate a ZX Spectrum.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

>It's a screwdriver! It is made from recycled cardboard!

Time to open some post apocaliptic machines

It's an armband that dispenses tea or coffee! It plays Nethack and is programmed against harming humans.

Fuck yes.

>>108904599
but you can freeze everything
and everyONE [/spoiiler]

>It's a mattress that gets +2 to kill undead! It sends and receives text messages.

>can sleep on it
>can communicate with other survivors
>KILLS UNDEAD

I am fucking golden if it's a zombie apocalypse

>>108904014
>>108904014
>>108904014
>>108904014
>>108904014
>>108904014
thread over winner

>It's a car! It helps the medicine go down!

Oh my!

>It's a pillow! It makes money fast!

Prepare your anus wastleanders

>It's a refrigerator that can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds!

>>108904560
Oh god my sides

I want one

>It's like a normal pot plant, but it hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.

>Yet
>Yet
>Yet

WHEN?! WILL I BE THE FIRST VICTIM?!

>Design #3189228149
>It's a hairpiece! It blocks UV light!

Oh dear lord

Design #4137646912

It's like a normal saucepan, but it dissolves in water.

>Find a packet of instant ramen in nuked house
>Find a pot too
>Somehow get kettle a to work
>Boil water from my flask
>Add water to Pan
>It melts
>Kill self

>Its a games console that doesn't need batteries and can be played by multiple people at once

*Sigh* If only it had games.

>Design #1997723918
>It's a chainsaw that obeys simple instructions!
Neat!

>It's a chainsaw that sends and receives text messages, keeps drinks cold and can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds.

>It's a sock! It connects to the Internet!
Masturbating will never be the same.

>Design #287449300
>It's a CD-rom that can be controlled remotely!
>why.jpg

It's a candle that's powered by clockwork! It gets +2 to kill undead and is built and maintained by tiny nano-robots.

oh god yes.

>It's a scooter that self-replicates, is different every time you use it and can pick locks.
I need this.
I need this now.

>It's a TV remote control that gets +2 to kill undead! It has a mind of its own.

Let's do this

>It's a headband that dispenses tea or coffee, anticipates your every move and has no sharp edges.

Looks like I am set for food and drink with my psychic headband

>It's a samurai sword that's completely reversible! It produces hot tea or coffee.
Wait what-

>>108904822
AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

>Design #447980582
>It's a fizzy drink! It folds away when not in use!
wat

>It's a first-aid kit that spins about its axis, responds to ambient light changes and contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Well, at least I'll learn all about Britannica before I died from heatstroke.

>It's a lightbulb! It believes itself to be self-aware!
....

>>108904891
prepare your anus

>>108904822
Oh Dear God. That thing can out accelerate 80% of the cars on the road.

>It's a rocket launcher that talks and displays pornography.
awwwh yeahhhh

It's a jetpack that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect! It is powered by a single hamster and runs on a single AA battery.

>>108904780
dahahaha

>>108903099

solar powered lightbulb...g o ld

>It's like a normal unicycle, but it speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.

Design #570612174

It's like a normal samurai sword, but it flashes at intervals.

>It's a false moustache that can pick locks! It can be implanted into the arm and contains a tinier version of itself.

pic related

>>108905023
YES

Design #2209822342

>It's a human clone that shoots laser beams! It can light cigarettes.

Bring it mother fuckers. Got me a laser man.

Design #1948079641

It's a blow-up doll that works at any altitude!

>Design #282960792
>It's a wrapping paper that doesn't need batteries!
genius!

I AM GETTING MY 4 ARTEFACT AND YOU CANT STOP ME BECAUSE I HAVE....

>It's like a normal toaster, but it never needs repairing.

FUCK

It's like a normal computer monitor, but it will drive you insane.

>>108903719
>mfw you haven't seen Evil Dead 3

>It's a scooter that makes you invisible! It extends at the touch of a button and loves you as a person.

also

>It's a robot! It recites haiku!

>It's like a normal stereo system, but it plays light music.

>It's a cardboard box! It makes you invisible!
I'm mother fucking Snake now

>Design #3231366922
>It's a first-aid kit that responds to ambient light changes, is transparent and uses captured Martian technology.

Well shit son, that sounds nice.

>It's a pot plant that contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica, works upside-down and repairs itself.

Endless weed and information? This could work out juuust fine.

>It's a parachute that doesn't need batteries! It boosts self-confidence.
>batteries

>It's a vacuum cleaner! It doesn't take no for an answer!

You better listen to the fucking vacuum cleaner, yo.

>It's like a normal samurai sword, but it costs less than £20.

So i got a discount katana? Ah well, at least it kills things

Design #2228240402

It's a robot that keeps track of your personal calendar! It cures all known illnesses and induces lucid dreaming.
I'm gonna enjoy this

>>108905157
oh god can't stop laughing.

>It's a riot shield that pings when it's ready and probably won't work.

Fuck me and my life.

>It's a pair of shoes that predict your every action!
Ok cool, refresh
>It's a fax machine that's fully recycleable and uses human blood for fuel.
>uses human blood for fuel.
Oh lord what have I done

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

http://chanarchive.org/request_votes
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http://chanarchive.org/request_votes
http://chanarchive.org/request_votes
http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

>It's a toothbrush that shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger! It picks up Radio Four and blocks spam email.

>Creeping through the wasteland
>Mutants nearby
>Alright just gotta sneak past--
>"WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! DANGER! THERE ARE ENEMIES NEARBY, STAY QUIET! JUST BLOCKED SPAM EMAIL FROM [email protected]

>Design #4293834199
>It's like a normal rocket launcher, but it doesn't need oiling.
YESSSSSSSSSS

Design #665675171

It's a shower head that feeds your pets, makes you invisible and pings when it's ready.

the fuck am I using it for when its ready?
oooh...

>It's a teddybear that fires plastic darts, glows in the dark and never gets tired.

>It's a samurai sword that's perfectly safe to use, emits dangerous radiation and can move faster than the speed of light.

>It's an artificial limb that sends and receives text messages and tastes delicious.
HOLY SHIT MY ARM TASTES SOOOO GOOD

>It's a crematorium! It hovers!
>Captcha: hersyst HEATED

>Design #1011618560
>It's like a normal trouser press, but it irons your shirts.

So... A basic clothing iron?

>It's a stick of chewing gum that obeys simple instructions, emits harmful gases and fires plastic darts.

Could be quite useful.

>It's a rocket launcher that keeps children amused, detects police sonar and makes you invisible.

It's like I'm really playing fallout

>>108905642
stick it to a wall. instruct it to attack bypassers

Design #2104276789

It's a rocket launcher that stays sharp forever!

Design #211532817

It's like a normal small plastic pyramid, but it inflates balloons.


I win most useless?

>Design #1833860086
>It's a gas-mask that shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger and has no sharp edges.

Cool... Kinda

>Design #1074144717

>It's like a normal chainsaw, but it's made of solid gold.

Wastelands, here come the king.

>It's a gas-mask that contains alcohol!

Protects me from radiation and keeps me blind drunk?

Fund it!

>It's a samurai sword that checks your spelling and has a human brain inside.

GOOD GOD

Design #1408060844

It's a contact lens that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet, doesn't take no for an answer and plays the American national anthem.

>figures

>It's a blow-up doll that looks really, really good! It keeps drinks hot and shreds documents.
>shreds

>It's an iMac that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and has a built-in alarm clock.

First hipster in the wasteland

Design #3399058659
It's a sandwich-toaster that's also available in white and probably won't work.

Design #3257714681

It's a pair of sunglasses that connects to the Internet! It explodes when dropped.

Deus Ex Approved.

>Design #3433806448
>It's like a normal mattress, but it emits dangerous radiation.

...

Fuck

Design #271369436

It's a golf club that has a human brain inside! It explodes when dropped and loves you as a person.

>"Please don't drop me, I love you."

>It's a robotic dog! It traps small animals!
mah bro

>It's a rocket launcher that follows a target of your choice! It works underwater and blocks UV light.

Aw, yeah.

>>108906121

>It's a greetings card that can disable electrical hardware! It catches flies and can be used to deter muggers.
I read that as Niggers.

>>108906213
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's an explosive device! It feeds your pets!

>>108906030

>It's an iMac! It uses captured Martian technology!

My mac is better

>It's a hammer that soothes babies and looks like a fish.
>2 gens later.
>It's an artificial limb that's great for hammering in nails! It soothes babies.
>mfw baby hammerer

>>108905075
oh god, lol

five is the charm right?

>It's a breakfast cereal that never needs repairing!

....no apparently it isnt

>It's an electronic implant that anticipates your every move! It cures all known illnesses and is made of glass.
I never asked for this.

Design #3122170299

It's like a normal suppository, but it remembers all of its past actions.

>It's like a normal bracelet, but it cures all known illnesses.
Come at me zombie virus / radiation poisoning

>>108906493
Oh lord...

Design #2523205857
It's like a normal headband, but it does exactly what it says on the tin.

>It's a cardboard box that obeys simple instructions, helps around the home and can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds.

>It's a blow-up doll that rotates at high speed!
My body is ready

Design #149095221

It's a walking stick that hangs upside-down from the ceiling and walks on three mechanical legs.

What...but it's...how...?

It's a suitcase that communicates with other copies of itself and fetches sticks.