>In school a few years back >Fat bitch in my class (let's call her Europa) >She's the worst kind of land planet, always saying she'll lose weight and start diets etc. >Also posts on Facebook saying stuff like "I feel fat and ugly :/" as well as doing this IRL looking for compliments >Does this in school one day "Do you guys think I'm fat" >All girls are like "Nooooo Europa! you're beautiful just the way you are" Guys just scratch heads uncomfortably >let'sdothis.mp4 >"Yes you are fat, why are you asking you can see it, I can see it and everyone else who lied to you or didn't say shit can see it, stop fishing for compliments Europa, it's sad and annoying as fuck" >Oh god what was I thinking >Feminazi and white night beta rage everywhere >Alienated for the rest of that year >Fuck it, worth it.
>I see alot of false momentum from the newbs >ppl lifting heels up when curling >swinging weights >slamming around baby dumbells like they just did something >strange cable exercises that dont exist >ppl asking me about my diet and routine >me lying to them for my own devious gratification >the manager approaching me >instructing me its not alright to inform the newbies that the gym is in fact a hezbollah training grounds >contacting the FBI >instructing them of my "involvement" in domestic terrorism >shipping me off to Guantanamo >waterboarding me for intel >being sexually abused by army interrogaters >being made to sleep in a cell smaller than a broom closet >being fed nothing but a little bread a water >realizing my bulk would have to be cut short this year unfortunately >doing goblet squats in my broom closet using my own penis as a resistance weight >chanting arabic songs of rebellion I heard the other inmates singing >praying to Krom for guidence during these dark times >eating small rodents and beetles that stray into my holding cell for delicious protein
Not FPS, but I'm getting sick of everyone telling me I don't need to lose any more weight, or even I should put a few on. I'M 6'2 AND 190LBS, I DON'T NEED TO GAIN ANY MORE WEIGHT. FUCK, I STILL HAVE 20LBS OR SO TO GO, AND I'M HEARING THIS SHIT FROM EVERYONE.
The only reason I don't look fat to them is I wear baggy-ass shirts and pants. They don't see me naked. THEY DON'T KNOW.
>Walking through mall on my way home from the gym >See fat nigress standing and staring at a door >I walk past her and open door manually >She realises this door is not automatic so walks a further 10 ft left just to get to the automatic doors >Claps when it opens Just kidding about the clapping part, but holy shit, fat people are so fucking lazy
>Secondary school >This ULTRA fat landcontinent is one year older than me >She is a horrible person; she proclaims herself as a "Satanist" and bullies anyone who doesn't believe in "ZERMAGERD SERNTIN!" and anyone who doesn't read Anime >She is 14, 5 ft 3 and weighs 20 stone >she is by far the biggest person I have ever seen >She always is fishing for complements and she constantly says things like "I wish I weren't so fat" "Why am I so big?" It is SO annoying >She eats cake literally every day- like a whole cake on the bus, a whole cake for lunch and more cake on the bus ride home. >Not even shitting you >Her dad is 30 stone and has diabetes >Same for her mother >One day she is bullying some 11 year old child with Down's syndrome while standing on a grass hill >Calling him retarded >The 11 year old snaps releasing a violent burst of tard rage somehow managing to push her down the hill >She falls about 5 ft and fully snaps both her legs in multiple places >She is in a wheelchair for about 3 months >People say she's in a wheelchair because her legs gave out >When she is reversing her wheelchair people make "Beep, beeep, beep..." noises to imitate a reversing HGV >She changes schools
>landwhale at my school >don't even give a fuck, her name was Melanie Schneiderman >Always flirting with the outcast loser boys that were my friends since I was a loser >Not interested in dat fat >She's jumping up and down in front of this guy, pointing at her tits >"Every time I jump they bounce twice!!!" this is it, this is my moment >"Every time you jump, the world bounces twice" >she runs off crying >later in the day she runs up to me and kicks me in the dick >I backhand her with an Ian Fleming novel out of instinct >claims I gave her a concussion >dad calls, IF YOU EVER TOUCH MY DAUGHTER AGAIN I'LL etc etc >nothing ever happened Shit was pretty cash >pic related, it's her
I've got more muscle than someone sedentary my age, but that's only because I lift furniture and pallets all day for my job (Get paid to deadlift and curl storage containers). I'm going to start lifting once school starts in a few weeks ($15 a month, already have a buddy going with me), but I run quite often, too. Other than that, I'm pretty much DYEL.
>be in gym free weight section >usually only people who actually lift and curlbros >suddenly my nostrils are molested by the smell of yeasty vag >my friend on the BP has to stop repping >turn around see saturn and titan walk to the 25 pound dumbells >saturn lifts one rep titan takes a picture and vice versa >both then move to the massage chairs where they stayed until I left >mfw
>Just finished gym session. >On my way home when I notice a large, older lady in an electric wheelchair on the other side of the road. >Wait a minute... >MFW I realise there are TWO large ladies in wheelchair, and that one is in a regular wheelchair being pulled along the path by the one in the electric.
IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT GIF /FIT/! I did a triple take my mind just couldn't handle it. I'm in the UK and I'm used to fatties waddling around in clothes too small/tight/seethrough for the welfare of the general public but I have NEVER seen something like that before.
Happened today >benching >DB rack next to me >manwhale with glasses starts doing curls >drops the weight after 2 reps >squeals like the pig he is >60 lbs bounces on my leg during my last rep >all of my rage >throw 45 plat at him >it bounces back from the blubber >kills me tfw no gf bcs I'm dead
>>14150002 You got it. It's a shame she doesn't have some of her old pictures from high school, she was even heavier there. Apparently she's undergone gastric bypass, and her armybro boyfriend of four years finally dumped her.
A bit about her:
She went around acting like a satanist, claimed her brother's name was damien before he died and was buried upside down in some nearby cemetary. Lies about knowing SO MANY LANGUAGES in order to seem cultured, claims to be kind and whatever when in reality she was kind of a queen bitch in highschool.
Except it was at my job and I got written up for it, but secretly my manager hates fat people too so he never filed it. Fuck it, I'll greentext.
>be working at a restaurant >fat girl working there is annoying as fuck, always saying she can't do certain things because of her weight like carry stuff that's heavier than 5 lbs. >wtf? >one day shes talking about how she got some acai berry juice and its going to make her lose weight >all the girl servers (thin, hot, etc.) start telling her she's beautiful the way she is, blah blah blah. >she asks me what I think, a "male opinion" >I tell her I don't think fat girls are pretty >MASS RAGE >"FUCKING MISOGYNISTIC BLAH BLAH DARK AGES WOMENS RIGHTS SUCH A PIG" >I calmly smile and say "Hey, you asked" >She tells the manager that I insulted her weight >He takes me in the office, I explain what happened. >He writes me up but tells me he isn't going to do anything with the write up, but the girl's mom is corporate HR rep or something like that so it has to look like he did something >all the girls still like me and never said anything about it again, because secretly they feel the same way >mfw
Here's some copypasta from awhile back. I didn't write this first part but I wrote the rest.
Here’s my idea for a gameshow called “Faternity House”
>A single contestant enters the house >She must be one of these fat activists who claim they eat as much as everyone else >she is given average, healthy meals 3 times a day (totaling about 20,000 Kcals) >Watch as she claims to start feeling well after the second day because her body can’t take the change in diet (though she will blame it on something else) >If she breaks the meal plan she gets pelted with eggs and insults >she will not be forced to work out, but it will be the only thing to do. >Only healthy food is allowed in the house >if she remains a fat fucking cunt, then she wins $1 Million >Hopefully she is shamed into being a respectable human being
>>14150293 >our first contestant is Jennifer >her hobbies are blogging and Zumba >she says she goes to the gym every day and eats only salads >she has self-diagnosed hypothyroidism because she has no fucking idea what a thyroid does other than "make you fat cuz genetics" >let's see how she deals with a 2000 calorie diet in this episode of Faternity House!
>>14150316 Day 1: >Jennifer is excited to show the world that she's a perfectly healthy 400lb curvy woman and that her weight is her genetic setpoint >she eagerly devours her morning egg white omelette with spinach, onion, mushrooms and sriracha. >by 11 am she's looking forward to her lunch of baked chicken breast, quinoa and greek yogurt! >she seems disappointed by the serving size, claiming that there has been a mistake as she will get low blood sugar if she doesn't get at least a healthy muffin with her lunch >her afternoon protein shake did little to calm her frayed nerves >Dinner's aroma roused her from her depression with the smells of sauteed vegetables and chicken in a sesame soy glaze. >she was startled by the stipulation that she would not be receiving her "bonus calories" for walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes. >she ate her dinner with extra salt due to her tears of sadness >there was no dessert
>>14150342 Day 2: >Jennifer awoke to find a steaming bowl of lightly salted oats cooked in light vanilla soy milk with honey for breakfast. >she seemed perturbed at the abundance of “bad carbs” in her breakfast but that did not save the oats from their demise >Jennifer was surprisingly chipper throughout the morning due to the super long-lasting satiety from her oatz, and barely noticed the loss of her normal pre-lunch caramel frappucino >her lunch consisted of leftover glazed chicken and vegetables, an admirable ability to make multiple meals from a single pan... a heretofore unknown feat in Jennifer's kitchen >Jennifer decided to venture off the afternoon treadmill routine in an effort to earn her "bonus calories" >she alternated sets of 5 ab machine crunches with 10 minute rests >obviously without resistance since she "doesn't want to look like one of those bodybuilders or anything" >surely THIS is worth a Krispy Kreme! >sadly it is not >she is met with only one scoop of post workout protein >Her rage manifests itself when she throws her lemon pepper chicken against the wall and locks herself in the bathroom >the producers later find that the chicken has disappeared, along with a vanilla-scented candle
>>14150362 Day 3: >the fate of the vanilla-scented candle was discovered as Jennifer awoke to vomit in the night and the wick was seen in the aftermath >Since the candle had no nutritional value, Jennifer will not be hazed for breaking the rules of Faternity House >It was decided that her shame was enough, if she had any >Jennifer again had oats for breakfast since she responded so well to them previously >lunch was baked chicken with low-fat vanilla pudding >the vanilla pudding was left uneaten >Jennifer's afternoon gym routine was amazingly interrupted by the appearance of a friendly PT who showed her the free weights area of the gym and explained the benefits of free weights and strength training >this PT is of course a Faternity House plant, since PT's are universally idiotic douchebags with no interest in showing clients how to actually improve themselves >Jennifer giggles throughout the workout and lifts no more than the empty bar >she is greeted with a double scoop of protein! chocolate AND vanilla! the greatest of all brotein shakes! >she tells everyone she meets about BRAD THE PT and her amazing new fitness routine >today may be the beginning of a whole new life for Jennifer!
>>14150379 Day 4: >Jennifer's morning omelette was especially delicious this morning due to her newfound knowledge of protein and it's magical toning properties as told to her by BRAD THE PT she tells the cameras >the term "toning" was never used by Brad. >By 10:30 Jennifer has eaten her lunch of light broccoli beef and mixed nuts. >today is going to be a long day... >Jennifer was caught attempting to steal from the office fridge >according to the rules of Faternity House, this is punishable by eggs and insults. >Her coworkers are given the privilege of throwing 6 eggs each and up to 3 insults apiece >Peggy from accounting started off with a few weakly thrown and wildly inaccurate eggs, but scathingly accurate comments about Jennifer's cankles, neck rolls and terrible fashion sense >Dave from IT was unable to bring himself to actually say anything to a woman, but his eggs all found their mark on her considerable gut with one fabulous egg hitting one of her chins >Deborah, her supervisor, maintained workplace decorum by commenting strictly on Jennifer's poor work ethic, inattention to details and her poor response to criticism, punctuated with three eggs splattering her yellow polyester summer tent.
>>14150410 >Mark, a well-built fitizen steps to the mound… >a hard-thrown egg to the temple takes Jennifer to her knees like a wounded buffalo >"that's for always criticizing my healthy lifestyle as unhealthy, obsessed and stupid" >another egg hits her in the throat, "Thats for trying to steal my lunch" >egg 3 to the forehead "for your constant bitching about failed diets" >4th to the chest, for always showing up to potlucks without a side dish >5th to the cheek, for telling Carol the receptionist that he was gay for turning fatass Jennifer down for dates >6th to the nose, for turning the hot summer intern fat by calling her anorexic and giving her cookies every day NOTE: the producers decided not to step in at three insults since Mark had legitimate points and these were not technically insults but more of a basic commentary on her life. >Jennifer lay bleeding and crying on the ground, looking like the leftovers from a Japanese porn shoot >as her coworkers walked back inside, Deborah told her she could go ahead and take the rest of the day off to get cleaned up. >Undaunted, she went to the gym, in hopes of seeing Brad and getting in a long, rigorous flirtation session. Alas, Brad was not there since he was not actually a real PT. >After her treadmill walk, she slowly walked to her car and drove all the way across the street to her house. >Her spirits were not improved by the bunless turkey burgers awaiting her for dinner.
>>14150492 Day 5 >Jennifer awoke with renewed determination to show these fattists that she was a strong independent BBW doomed by genetics to her voluptuous 400 lbs. >she ate her greek yogurt with diced fruit and soymilk and went to work >she noticed that the fridge was now locked >some asshole is probably stealing food from us, she thought >i'll keep it near my desk so no one takes it >10 am: sliced turkey on whole grain wheat eaten >10:15: protein bar eaten >10:20: dry whey powder... eaten dry >10:21: dry heaves >10:45: crying in bathroom stall, weeping from the rigors of the /fit/ness version of the cinnamon challenge >Jennifer was apparently unaware of the need to drink lots of water with her brotein and suffered the consequences >"but i don't drink water, it has unhealthy fluoride and i don't like the taste of water." >fortunately, the GI distress kept Jennifer from getting hungry until after 3. >after her rigorous 10 minute stroll on the treadmill, she ambuloed over to the gym's juice bar >"Sorry for your weight" said the counter girl, "what would you like?" >"I’ll take a vitamin water! That’s super healthy, since I’m on a diet!" >as the girl at the desk gave her the drink, the Faternity House producer jumped out and started beating her with foam rollers >each of the PT's on the clock as well as the counter girl took their eggs and hurled them at Jennifer along with all of their pent-up fat hate and hambeast insults >Jennifer was crushed >Planet Fitness was supposed to be a haven for non-lunks like her! >she cried in the car all the way to her home across the street. >she ate her grilled salmon and vegetable medley with more salty tear seasoning and went to bed
>>14150525 Day 15 >Jennifer steps on the scale >392 >down 8 pounds! >takes off shirt >tits smaller? >don't want to lose dem tittays or guys will think i'm ugly >nope, tits still there >eat breakfast >go to work >Mark the /fit/izen asks congenially if she's still losing weight >Report Mark to HR for sexual harassment >he clearly wants to fuck >Go to gym >the walking is paying off >let's walk for 15 minutes! >definitely getting dat Krispy Kreme today! >Jennifer adds ab machine crunches AFTER her walk. >"Brad the PT doesn't know anything about how to train a woman's body! Let's sign up for Zumba classes!" >despite listing Zumba as one of her interests, Jennifer's only knowledge of Zumba comes from a fat activists blog she read once, and it sounded like a fun word >Zumba class tomorrow! >"They'll teach me how to dance. Then I can go to clubs and not be embarrassed!" >Jennifer eats her chicken teriyaki with brown rice and edamame and mentally prepares for the next day's Zumba adventure...
Maybe she's fat because she's unhappy and maybe all she needed was for someone to tell her she's worth something by helping her loose weight. Just making the decision to go all out weight-loss mode is pretty much half the battle. Instead you pointed out the obvious, scarred her for life and probably set her back months of progress. Good job.
>>14150601 >>14150589 >>14150604 yeah, that was still me but like you said that's where the story kind of stalled out. i'll continue it if someone can help out with ideas. I didn't want to ruin the zumba class episode as i felt like it had some real potential.
>>14150648 the "zumba" class is actually a secret fatty meeting place, a "judgement free zone" if you will, where they can hide and eat krill with other whales. also 10/10 this is fucking awesome i've saved all of your posts
>>14150979 "16, Aus, size (depending on brand) 16-18.
Why should models be able to have pictures of themselves, half naked, posted every where in tabloids, and blogs, etc, without being called names? This is my body. Everyone has one. And I don’t get why we hide them. They are really quite amazing. So, call me a slut, fat, ugly, stupid. I don’t care. Everyone has a body, and this is mine."
>riding bus home, sitting by the window >landwhale sit next to me last stop before mine >almost can't breath because of the smell, she's also crushing me >2 roundabouts >fuck, I think I have broken ribs, really can't breath >finally my stop >"excuse me" >"what did you say you little shit?" >wut >"how you dare to be rude to me" >I shrug it off, she finally gets up while spewing bullshit >bus stops >she falls on the floor >cracks windshield with her head (srs) >everybody walks the dinosaur
>>14151096 "so i went camping this weekend and went savaging for a suit to wear and came across this, I have not worn this in so long and have gained weight seen the last time i wore it i saw myself and was like god damn i look good and wanted to share with all the bunnies and cubby lovers, doesnt matter your size you can go up or down you can always be beautiful"
>>14151227 This chick looks like a girl who was hot in HS but got lazy after school. "Hello!! =) My name is Mariana, 25 years, I’m a brazilian girl and size 26 US (52/54 here in Brazil). I just LOVE myself and my curves! I’m proud to be who I am!"
>>14151374 Like me, they've probably never seen it, so it's fucking new and hilarious to us. Bumping with another FPS
>In the gym, picking things up and putting them down >See hambulocetus doing pec flys without resistance and resting for five mins after 5 reps to chat with her friend >"This is so hard, I need a break" >Later I walk past and catch her mirin me while literally licking her lips mfw
>>14150565 ALL NEW EPISODE! Day 16 >Jennifer rolled out of bed and wolfed down her turkey bacon omelette >barely able to contain her enthusiasm for her impending zumba class >she put on her new XXXL yoga pants, cameltoe be damned! >the garment was also barely able to contain her excitement >her customary sweatshirt around the waist was left off since there would be no silly boys to stare at her “juicy” ass >as she rode the escalator up to the zumba studio she noticed that all the women in the class were healthy-sized just like her! >“this is where I belong!” thought Jennifer >she noticed that all of the other heavenly bodies had brought a gym bag to hold their change of tent, candy bars (for energy!) and sugary Gatorade (don’t want to get dehydrated!) >clearly they were serious about their zumba >as the music started, the instructor closed the blinds and put a “no ogling” sign on the door, or the “do not feed the animals” sign as everyone else called it >for the next hour, Jennifer slowly jiggled and swayed to the energetic sounds of mid-90’s dance music >after the class, the pod decides to migrate over to the Jabba Juice next door >Jennifer petitioned the producer to allow her to “spend some calories” on a smoothie with her new herd >little did she know that the sugary fruit drink and bullshit “weight loss infusion” took almost all of her remaining calories >the day closed with the producers confiscating her bubblegum-flavored toothpaste and flintstones multi-vitamins when Jennifer was found sitting on the toilet crying with a mouthful of sparkly blue foam >however, the mystery of her rapidly improving dental hygiene was finally solved
>wife and I go to friend's frequent social gathering straight from gym >I'm looking jacked, she's looking fine as hell >half of the friends are fatties (we're former fatties) >OMG ANON/ANONESS! YOU GUYZ ARE SO /fit/! HOW DO YOU DO? >"good diet/exercise" >host's semi-chubby wife says "We're getting in shape without the exercise by just eating natural foods like berries, nuts and organic foods" >that's a great start! If you added some exercise to work those muscles you can be in amazing shape in no time! > "no, we're on the no-exercise/natural food fitness plan. IT'S WAY EASIER THAN YOUR WAY." >fatties say they agree with her, and that our way is way harder than it should be. >MFW they agree with a woman whose last science class was in 6th grade vs. my opinion as a PhD in molecular physiology >they decide to start "natural food/no exercise" regimen >on the way home, my wife says, "i feel bad for those poor women. they don't seem to realize that losing weight is supposed to be difficult. But then again, it makes sense that the decisions that led to obesity would make weight loss an almost unattainable goal."
MFW my wife says "fatties gonna fat" in the parlance of our times
>In English class >have been put in group with fat fuck >This is before we were put in sets according to ability so I'm here with this retarded as fuck hamplanet >She was just talking about some retarded shit and generally being annoying >Says something to me, trying to make fun of me >Snap back with "At least I'm not fat" >She snaps back with "At least I'm not black" >Everyone hears her insult and rages at her, made worse by the fact that she's south african therefore apartheid.
>>14151269 "fatfromtheside: You know how when you see someone with large breasts, at first glance your eyes are always drawn there instead of their face, in that split second before manners and years of social training kick in? I’m like that, only it’s not my boobs people stare at, it’s my belly. But as Harry Winston said: “People will stare; make it worth their while.” For years, I was a typical downtrodden fatty—dressing myself only in dark colors, ‘flattering’ tops, with not a dress in my closet. I tried to hide myself in any way I could. And pictures from this angle? Absolutely forbidden. Not anymore. I take up a lot of space, and I refuse to apologize for a single inch of it."
>my boss is a fat as fatass and about 5'2 >her ass is as wide as two regular people >constantly shoves people out of the way with her disturbing girth
various things i have overheard from her >"i tried everything to lose weight, guess i must be one of those unlucky people" >"i cant get enough of the deep fried chocolate bars my local chip shop serve" (i wish i was fucking kidding) >"ever tried mayonnaise soup? i have been making it for ages"
and here is the kicker >waddles up to me >"hey anon, how did you get in shape" (used to be slightly overweight) >"regular exercise and cutting out junk food" >she gives me a look like i just farted on her unborn child >"yeah whatever" >rolls away
>>14151785 >>14151785 i'm out of ideas brotato. throw out some shit for Jennifer to do and I'll see what I can do. half the pain in the ass is coming up with new healthy shit for her to eat >my diet doesn't have a ton of variety >have to keep the food or else you lose continuity and the narrative loses cohesion >MFW i realize my talents are wasted on science research
>sister has been going to weight watchers for 8 years >weighs about 180-190, haven't asked in a while >I used to be 5'11, 240. Now 5'11 168 >Her diet includes: Doing light cardio (20-30 minute walk) 2-3 times a week, refusing to lift anything, eating garbage like high carb, low protein (red meat is unhealthy! chicken is disgusting!) meals >goes by the weight watchers points system- ie, say she gets 14 "points" a day (whatever that equates to, calorically,) she'll eat 12 points a day and then on a friday she'll use the 12 banked points that she built up over the week and eat 26 (nearly twice what she would on a normal day) on her "fluff days" >uses term "fluff day" consistently >"Zach how did you lose weight?" >>"I stayed under 1900 calories a day and did cardio daily. If you stuck to a couple hundred calorie deficit and did cardio 4-5 times a week for 30 minutes each, you'd lose weight consistently" >"YOU KNOW JUST BECAUSE IT WORKED FOR YOU DOESN'T MEAN IT WILL WORK FOR ME EVERYONE'S BODY IS DIFFERENT AND JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME KIND OF NUTRITIONIST DOESN'T MAKE WHAT I'M DOING WRONG >Has been bitching about this for years and years, refuses to do anything serious about her weight
>mfw eating less and being more active only works for "some people," and using this as advice is bonk Stopped giving a fuck years ago.
>Drop 15kg pretty fast >Friends are all very happy for me, even the fat ones >My fat guy friends tell me they wish they had my dedication >My fat girl friends start to flirt shamelessly with me >My sister is most impressed of all, she asks me to help her do the same >Count her calories for her >She drops 10kg >Loses friends >Constantly getting snarky comments >"what did you do? just starve yourself"? >"omg your tits are so small now" >"its sad you care so much about what people think that you're willing to put your body through that" >"gross, you can see your chest bone" >Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with fat women?
>>14152176 buttmad and buttjelly women. When I lost 30kg people thought:
I would gain it all back instantly I was starving myself I was losing TOO MUCH WEIGHT THIS IS UNHEALTHY I was trying to prove something I would keep it off for no longer than one year, it's impossible to lose weight and keep it off! year 5 and going strong, stay mad fatties
>>14150611 oh my fucking god. i look at gore, read all kinds of disgusting shit, and this is the first time on 4chan that i have ever felt sick to my stomach. I feel bad for those fucking firefighters, I'm sure it smelled fucking awful.
>>14152155 It's true though, I feel like I don't belong in sweden because everyone is dead serious in the morning waiting for the bus to school, even my friends I can talk to anything about is just mute.
Also if you were to sit by another random when places are available he/she would think you're fucking retarded or something.
lol I forgot that one. Some girl actually quoted statistics to her about that. Told her that she was wasting her time and that only 10% of people keep the weight off for more than 3 years. Not sure about the figures she quoted, as I wasn't there, and all my sister remembers clearly is her obnoxiously yelling "LOOK IT UP!!! LOOK IT UP!!!".
>>14152422 Sadly where I am, yes. Crappy smalltalk that I really do not feel like participating in. Last time I was on the bus I had a guy, who was most likely shitfaced, tell me the entire history of his family.
>mum used to be land-planet mode >dieted down to just overweight by going on that diet where you eat powdered food, 600kcal a day >never does any exercise
>am eating breakfast one day >cooking my oats with whole milk >"why are you drinking whole milk? it has a ton of fat in it?" >"and how many years have you been on a low fat diet mum?"
I don't mean to be a dick to my mum, I love her to death, but, diabetes runs in the family (which thank god she doesn't have yet), she has borderline high cholesterol even though her diet contains little fat, she has been conscious about her weight and figure for years and always wanting to lose more weight
I've been telling her for the past 2 years she needs to lift heavy and get some cardio
>>14152503 now THERE is a demographic that needs to be told about people gaining all the weight back. >be landplanet >get gastric bypass >lose shitton of weight >tell everyone >learn how to "eat around" the band >get fat again >return to landplanet mode seen it happen with my mom and several other fatties i've known
>Needs drama to lure viewers back for next season >take Jennifer to airport >locate the longest moving sidewalk available >place small piece of carrot cake at opposite end >tell Jennifer she can have her cake if she can walk against the moving sidewalk to get to it >instant drooling >all 5 chins covered in saliva >arms forward >Jennifer tries to waddle against the moving sidewalk >each step forward is met with almost equal movement backward >she trips, rolls >fat slab gets caught in the moving sidewalk >gears grind to a halt >15lb instant weight loss due to amputation of roll >medics >have to use baggage cart to haul her to the ambulance >drive past the cake >she stops her bawling to reach for the plate >can't generate enough momentum to break the straps >weeping loudly as extra-large ambulance carries her away >tune in next season
>>14152614 I know exactly where it's at, but to me, as I'm from a small ass town north of Pittsburgh, I still call it Pittsburgh.. I'm from "Greenville, PA" if anyone in the area has been. It's about halfway to Erie from PGH
>>14152576 lel i think i'll actually use the airport and moving sidewalk ideas. >too fat for seats >too many bags >too lazy to stand, sits down on the moving sidewalk >gets home, family tells her she looks starved and unhealthy >celebration buffet! i'll work on this after work and gym. if the thread is still alive later I'll try to post the thrilling conclusion to jennifer's time in faternity house
>>14152715 Yeah, Greenville is only like, 20-30 Minutes from Grove City. I actually moved a little north of Greenville, to Conneaut Lake, maybe you're more familiar, seems a lot of people from "pittsburgh" come up here for the summer.
But yeah, anything within 30 miles of the actual city is pittsburgh haha... If my girlfriend were here I'd ask her if she knew you, for as "Big" as Moon is compared to Greenville, graduating class of a few hundred vs my graduating class of like, 90, people seem to know everyone.
>be sitting in class 4 years ago with friend who is polish >he has longish hair, metal, skinny as fuck >his grandmother is a barber and cut his hair kinda short >asian landSOLARSYSEM walks in class >we're playing mortal kombat on our laptops >"haha anon, you look like a girl now" >polish friend looks up >"haha solarsystemfemanon, you look like a fucking beached whale!" >she giggles softly and waddles away >her facebook status later that night read "not feeling well...might not be in school" >shes out of school the entire week >tfw we thought she killed herself >she didn't....
>be junior in HS >go to beach with some friends >fat kid starts giving me shit about my ribs showing >"at least i can go in the water. If you get too close to it greenpeace will come in and try to push you back out to sea" >HFW i feel bad about it now, but i was a little shithead in HS
>>14153000 I saw this girl, she was very cute but she was wearing a t-shirt and it said: 'I Heart Nerds' on it. I was just looking at her and I was like, 'God, I wish I could make her force f**k an engineer with cystic acne for just hours and hours and hours.' Until she was just like, 'Alright, I don't heart nerds. I heart good-looking guys who wear eyeglasses. That's what I heart.' >Chelsea Peretti
>>14152092 >>14152155 I remember both of these. Oh man. Even when the train is packed on a long trip, some old bitch would put her bag in the seat next to her and her feet in the seat across. Wouldn't even move for an old lady and a pregnant woman. Fucking Swedes. But I'm married to one, so I can't say shit.
>>14153496 It's not that scientists can't enjoy the show, it's that it gives uneducated people the sense that they are suddenly experts in science. Same goes for shitty pseudoscience documentaries. >be a physics major >every friend outside of science tells me about their 'revelations' about black holes and relativity after they watched a shitty documentary on the Discovery Channel >"ANON WHAT IF YOU ARE GOING THE SPEED OF LIGHT IN A CAR AND YOU TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS? RELATIVITY CAN'T BE RIGHT!"
>>14153525 >>14153562 The only people who really give a shit about it and hate the big bang theory because "it's just so stupid, they're capitalizing on this nerd fad that's going on right now and it doesn't even have that much science stuff in it" are fucking pseudo intellectuals who don't think that the show is "smart enough" for their intelligence level.
You fuckers are just being angsty and you feel the need to point out how much more you know about science than what goes on in the show. The average american watches it because it's funny. The ones who actually are really smart don't give a shit if the science is watered down to the point that a grade-schooler can pick it up, they watch it because it makes them laugh. No one expects a hollywood writer to have multiple phd's in such fields as experimental/theoretical physics, chemistry, neurobiology, etc... They throw in some crap every once in a while to keep up the appearance that the characters are geniuses, but other than that they're trying to write funny shit. People have different senses of humor, you may not like the show because it's not your style of humor, but don't just parrot shit about them trying to make nerds cool or the science stuff not being in depth enough for you because it makes you look like a tool.
>>14153597 I'm not a pharmacist or anything.. but isn't pharmacy school a very chemistry & biology heavy major? For the most part biology's an easy science, but some of the later chemistry courses are pretty challenging.
>buttmad and buttjelly women. When I lost 30kg people thought:
>I would gain it all back instantly >I was starving myself >I was losing TOO MUCH WEIGHT THIS IS UNHEALTHY >I was trying to prove something >I would keep it off for no longer than one year, it's impossible to lose weight and keep it off! >year 5 and going strong, stay mad fatties
Now that I'm on year 4 people are starting to say "oh well when you're 50 you'll end up getting fat again."
I don't think so, but even if they were right according to them going from 22 to 50 while not a fatasfatass is totally not worth it, why even bother
>>14153812 That's about right. A third of the course is organic chemistry, the rest is split into pharmacology, law, pharmaceutics and pharmacy practice; recognising and diagnosing common ailments, working as a pharmacist in different fields.
And for me the final year had a pretty heavy pharmaceutical research project.
>>14153908 Did you have a course on 'folk remedies' or natural pharmacology or anything? I think it'd be pretty neat to learn about the medicinal practices used before the modern era and their effectiveness (or lack thereof)
>>14153952 Yes and no. We look into the history of a lot of important drug classes and anything that was actually effective such as willow bark etc since this is really applicable to current drug development, natural sources are really a fantastic source of anti cancer drugs and such.
We also had a few lectures on the history and uses of homeopathic remedies which consisted of an entire clas of 150 students holding onto their sides for dear life for three hours.
>Fat female friend. >We call her 'Chins' in our language. >She's eating an apple. >Chins why in God's name aren't you eating crisps? >I'm on a diet. >No you're not. You're not, are you? >I am. I'm only allowed to eat meat, yogurt and apples. >Oh I see... Might I suggest something less retarded? >No I'm doing this my way. This is my first day and I'm doing great. >Not 10 fucking minutes later she's buying soda and some kind of melted cheese concoction. All of this is true, by the way. >Oh no anon I'm out of money, please buy me some crisps? >What happened to your diet? >I'm still hungry. >Fine, I'll give you a packet of crisps if you drink this cup of disgusting wastewater. >She gulps it down while our friends laugh, gag, and film the whole thing. >And that's how Chins sold her dignity for a packet of crisps.
On the topic about sweden: Everyone who eats too much and reaches a given mass is given a free gastric bypass operation, in some "states" you also get free skin removal surgery too. Guess this is why I'll never be able to contribute to these stories ;_;
Not really /fit/ness related, but still funny >be at Duhnams last night with 2 of my friends >walk to the back of the store to look at the guns, notice air soft guns and bb's >decide to relive our childhoods and buy some ammo to shoot in our old guns >I saw I am going to get .12 since I have a low tier gun and dont really give a fuck >all of a sudden we hear a voice go "NEVER EVER EVER BUY ANYTHING SMALLER THAN .2!" >turn around and see Jupiter orbiting through the isle >the hamplanet was about 6'2", wore a huge white t-shirt to conceal his mass and black sweat pants, he also had a legit neckbeard >basically grimmace from mcdonalds in real life >he went on to tell us how he had 9.5 years of experience and had been "deployed" in over 1,100 "operations" >cant hold back the laughs, have to walk away >ohmysides
>fat sow of a manager at a resturaunt i'm visiting for lunch spills a tray of sodas all over me >tells me to watch where i'm going >I WAS SITTING STILL IN A BOOTH BY THE WINDOW >open a catsup bottle, jam it into her mouth, squeeze the contents down her gullet >she falls onto her back and vomits into her eyes >she breaks a glass on a counter and tries to cut me, but can't see and wanders outside >falls over and rolls down hill onto a road >gets smashed to blubbery bits by an 18 wheeler, causing irreparable damage to it's engine >no repercussions on my side whatsoever
>>14154226 What the fuck did you just fucking say about him, you little bitch? I'll have you know he graduated top of his class in the navy seals. He's been involved in numerous raids on al Qaeda bases and has over 300 confirmed kills?
Coould you not see that he was trained in gorilla warfare? That you were nothing to him?
>>14154308 Yeah you have a lot to say from hundreds of miles away but I bet if my fists were in reach of your face you would be like a tv on mute with no volume button. So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut unless you want to die. Next time you think about saying something like that to me I want you to remember one thing. I know the guy that created google maps and I can locate you in the time it took me to type this. Don't want anymore problems.... didn't think so faggot. You have any idea what gorilla warfare is? I do, I was in the US Marine Core and I perfected it. I'm fully capable of using it on you motherfuckers. Do you know the dander your in if I find you? I am 100$ serious. Bunch of god damn newfag loser here and I will not have it. At least I've had sex, had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed unlike you virgin piece of unpatriotic SHIT.
>>14154533 she looks sexy from that high angle but is probably a porker head on however, would make a good starter girlfriend take that bitch out jogging twice a week and she'll be a solid 8 for your solid 5
>>14154533 No, but that's only because of the clothes she's wearing. When it comes down to it, when you're on the verge of fucking her, she'll get nekkid and god damn, she will be flabby as hell with more stretchmarks than 753 pregnant ladies. I would just keep it at BJ/HJ or if I could, motivate her to get /fit/ as fuark so I could clap dem cheeks.
>>14152446 You know what? I'm happy for her, and I'm happy for the guy that "shamed" her. Good job. You took a fat fucking globular sack of self pitying shit, and you slapped it. That slap sent it on a journey that ended up creating a potentially decent human being.
At best you've created a good person (unlikely, I know), at worst, you've created a cute hole for dudes to stick their dick in. Either way, you, and her, can feel proud.
>>14153208 music isn't nearly as hot as that .gif implies, still, boner fuel and she's a knockout.
I gotta wonder though - I think he's lying about the "girlfriend" part. Average looking dude, well appointed but average looking house, above average dick... With a slutty 9/10 who is apparently REALLY into it? What the fuck? She's being paid, or he has an amazing personality, or a huge bank account.
>>14155397 It's worse when you're borderline skinny, but still have disgusting fat rolls on your gut and thunder thighs. I look perfectly fine clothed, I can even fit into an S shirt and M pants easy, but the second I get naked, I'm just gross.
>lose 100lb >tell parents I have probably less than 20lb left to lose and am in the home stretch basically >expect them to be fucking happy for me >NOPE >WORRIED PARENTS MODE: ENGAGED >"WHY ARE YOU STILL DIETING YOU'RE SO SKINNY" >"YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT YOU LOOK AMAZING" >"OH MY GOD YOU'RE NOT EATING ENOUGH DO YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER"
Fuck, I even explained the term "skinnyfat" to them and they STILL think I have an eating disorder or something.
>>14153889 Call me a mad psuedo-intellectual if you want, but I hate the fans. The show? Eh, mildly funny, occasionally they have a really good bit that actually makes me laugh. No hate there, really. But the "I WATCH THE BIG BANG THEEEEORY I'M SUCH A NEEEEERD OH MY GOD I GOT THAT INSIDE REFERENCE TO (Some obvious shit that has to do with, say, a comic book hero. That's common knowledge to me, a guy who doesn't read comics and never has), OH MY GOD I LOVE SHELDON BECAUSE HE'S SOOOOOOO...(Insert 4 pages of inane drivel)"
So - I hate it because the people I hate like it. The crux of the issue is the common fuckwit, but screaming at people because they're ignorant of highschool level science to the point where they think they know shit is generally not socially accepted, so I'll stick to being a pseudo-hipster and merely hating on the show, thanks.
>>14155867 http://xkcdexplained.com/ It's not funny. It's humor that tries really hard to seem smart so the viewer can feel smart by association, with relationship garbage sprinkled in leisurely - much like BBT.
>>14155905 nope its just good humour imo and it looks like you dont find it funny cause you dont get it >tfw I got hysterics from the velociraptor test one lets leave it at this, dont want to turn this fps thread into more of a shitstorm
>Be hanging out at party >mid summer >finished cut >looking goddamn adonis mode >notice fattie chatting up some girls i know >talking about shes so in love with some guy >how shes still a virgin and waiting til marriage >end up chatting her up >flirting with her and getting her drinks >end up taking her to a bedroom >super tight >pop her cherry raw dog >blow my wad balls deep >end up videoing some of it with her on top >tell her to keep going even if i say stop or no >start recording asking her to please stop >i dont want to have sex >please leave me alone etc etc
>next day her fiance dumps her after finding out I ppppppppPPPOPPPED THAT CHERRY >everyone calls her a slut and hates her >she starts telling people it was rape >cops come get me to ask some questions >break the fuck down >fake tears and everything >show them the video >tell them she held me down when I was drunk and couldnt fight back >bitch gets picked up on sexual assault charges >shit hits the news papers >become local home town hero and asked to speak at UNI graduation >bitches out of the wood work want to fuck me
>best thing of my life >thanks fatty >mfw when shes serving her second year in prison
>tfw the biggest solar system from your old school is married already and looks happy while still being fat .. >and has kids >I envy their relationships. not there fat though >atleast im not a land planet >meh, I win.
>>14156927 Ever been in a slump? One of those where you haven't even touched a girl for months? Where you've just got to stick your dick inside someone or you're gonna go crazy? Just go fuck a fat girl. Just.. just do it. The shame and regret you feel afterwards will keep you from even thinking about women for a couple months, letting you concentrate on your gains.
I've had sex one time. When I was 19 I fucked this girl I had been friendzoned in for about my entire life (I've literally known this girl since like kindergarten). She had a 9/10 body, 8/10 face and fucked like a hellcat. I came within a minute. This girl had massive issues but I've always been there for her, call me beta or whatever but I love her and I stuck it out because of that. I was still a skinnyfag during this time, mind you.
I moved away like a week later.
I'm 22 now, haven't so much as touched a girl since then - and I'm completely fine with it. If you can't go a long time without "sticking your dick in somebody" I highly recommend you re-evaluate your hobbies if you can't so much as deal with not having put your dick in a wet hole for a little while. Btw I just hit my first year anniversary of no fast food and I'm like 2 months out from not fapping. I don't drink or smoke either.